


Conversations with the Moon

by aestheticgoat



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Not Canon Compliant, Not Canon Compliant - The Legend of Korra, One Shot, Post-Canon Fix-It, Shorts, Stream of Consciousness, Vignette, Yue is Katara's Spirit guide, Zutara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24990025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aestheticgoat/pseuds/aestheticgoat
Summary: “I have late night conversations with the moon;He tells me about the sun and I tell him about you.”-- S.L. GrayPost-A:TLA, Katara finds solace in talking to the Moon Spirit when she finds herself troubled with emotions she can't work through with anyone else.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 137





	Conversations with the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this all in one sitting to get it out of my head, based on the poem in the summary (and also at the start of the fic). I haven't read the comics (though I understand their general premises from summaries) and I am ignoring them for this story.

* * *

> _“I have late night conversations with the moon;_
> 
> _He tells me about the sun and I tell him about you.”_
> 
> _\-- S.L. Gray_

* * *

  
  


Katara sat outside the walls of her tribe, back resting on the watchtower that her brother had been so proud of commandeering. Tears were prickling at her eyes, though she willed them not to fall. She stared at her feet, stretched in front of her. Her palms rested in her lap as she tried to stop them from shaking. She had her first fight with Aang today.

It wasn’t like it was the first fight they had ever had, she reasoned to herself. They had gotten into plenty of arguments during their travels before ending the war. Little squabbles between friends were healthy. She wasn’t unreasonable, either; she knew that even the healthiest romantic relationships were bound to be wrought with arguments. Even Master Pakku - she had trouble calling him Gramps, but she tried to sometimes - and Gran-Gran had their little fights, and they were the definition of a true love story.

Aang and her hadn’t even had that bad of an argument. So why did it hurt so much?

Maybe it had something to do with how little she saw him nowadays. He had important Avatar duties; satisfying the Earth Kingdom wasn’t done with the defeat of Ozai. He still had a lot of mediating to do. People were relying on him. People who were more important than her. They had won the war, together, and now Aang had to tie up the loose ends.

She missed him every day that he was gone. His laughter, his jokes. There was a feeling of completeness when he was here, she liked having someone to take care of. The few waterbending children born in the past few years would have some time before they were ready to be taught by her. She missed Aang’s hand in hers, his still-timid kisses, more like pecks.

Aang left today. They fought about it, or at least that’s what it felt like. She still remembered him returning to the water tribe, their _home_ , only a few days ago. All smiles and laughter. They squeezed each other tightly. And yet she also remembered his departure, the tears pricked in her eyes now at the memory. She had hugged him tight, tears running down her face as he said goodbye. He had pulled away, and she didn’t know why it hurt to see him grinning like everything was going to be okay. She knew it would all be okay, but didn’t it hurt him as much as it hurt her that he would leave her again?

A tear escaped down her face, and she reached up to wipe it away, but it was too late. The floodgates opened. She was sobbing at once. Her emotions had always been complicated, but she had trouble understanding them now especially. She drew her knees up to her chest.

She loved Aang. She felt a powerful familial bond when they were together, a bond of love. But, is that what love really is? She choked down a sob at her spinning thoughts; her mind was making leaps that she couldn’t keep up with, irrational thoughts that she wanted to be rid of.

The stray cloud that had covered part of the moon now moved away, and Katara looked up to gaze at it. “Oh, Yue,” she found herself saying. “You look beautiful tonight.” She still remembered the night that the princess had given herself to the sky. Sokka could have been a prince.

“When Aang comes home, I’m happy,” she said to the moon spirit, willing her to hear. “I know he has important things to do around the world, and I’m happy we won the war. But… I can’t be happy in the same way when I’m alone anymore.”

Staring at the moon, allowing the silence stretch after her words, Katara was able to think more clearly. “I can’t remember what it was like for me to be alone before Aang came into my life. I think I spent my time taking care of Sokka, and Gran-Gran. But Sokka has important duties, now, not to mention Suki. And Gran-Gran has Master Pakku, and they wont let me take care of them anymore.”

She sighed, looking down at her hands resting on the tops of her knees. The tears had stopped, somewhere along when she was lost in her words. “I can’t teach waterbending here, not until the little kids grow up. And when they do, will Master Pakku let me?” Gran-Gran and Master Pakku had been determined to let Katara breathe, whatever that meant. She was supposed to rest, to take her days easily.

“I feel so useless, Yue,” she whispered, gazing at the beautiful moon spirit. Yue had given her life to become the moon spirit; she had a destiny and it was fulfilled. “Have I achieved my destiny, Yue? Was I meant to teach Aang waterbending until he could save us all? Everyone is saved, so what do I do now?”

She could almost imagine the moon talking back to her. Why don’t you travel the world like you used to? It asked.

“I tried to, with Aang,” she responded. “For the first year, it was great. I was welcomed with honor and dignity in every place. But, there’s only so much praise I can take for teaching Aang. I started to feel left out of my own adventure.” She wasn’t sure if the words spilling out of her made sense any more. 

She wanted to say that she was important in her own right, that she had a lot to offer. Aang always told her that she had a beautiful heart. What could she do with a beautiful heart? She was a waterbending master. She saved the world - yes, she helped the avatar save the world, but it wouldn’t have happened without her. She winced at all of the credit she was suddenly giving herself. But wasn’t she always urging others to see how great they were? There were many times she had to give Aang a pep talk, even Toph, albeit for different reasons.

“I started to feel like I was the ‘Avatar’s Companion’ rather than my own person,” she confessed. She had never shared such thoughts with anyone. “Aang deserves all the praise in the world,” she added. “I just wish the praise that I got wasn’t always something to do with him.”

She sighed. There was increasing clarity in how she understood her own words. Maybe, her life was too much about Aang. They had gotten together very young, and she knew that Aang had had feelings for her ever since she first broke him out of the iceberg. It was sweet and simple at first. Now, she was at the standard age of betrothal in the Southern Water Tribe, but she wasn’t ready to settle down there. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life being second to her husband. Maybe it was a little dramatic, but so is having a girlfriend that turns into the moon before their second date. She smiled up at Yue. 

“I think I need to get a life, Yue.”

* * *

  
  
  


Katara didn’t break up with Aang, she loved him. A few weeks after her talk with the moon, they were due for a weekend in Ba Sing Se. Iroh liked having Team Avatar at the tea shop once in a while. He said it was important to keep in touch with old friends.

They had spent the afternoon in the tea shop, telling stories and laughing at old jokes. Suki even brought Ty Lee along, who gave them all an exciting performance in her gymnastics abilities by serving them tea from platters she threw _just right_ so that they landed in front of those who ordered them. 

It was startling to see _Fire Lord_ Zuko for the first time in several months; his hair had grown even longer, and he was beginning to look like every other Fire Lord before him. Grumpy. 

The firebender in question currently sat next to his uncle, rubbing his temples tensely. “My dear nephew, you are highly capable of handling this matter,” the old man said. They had been discussing strategies for dealing with riots from within the Fire Nation. Apparently, giving all of their colonies back to the Earth Kingdom was not going over well with the people whose livelihoods depended on imported goods. 

“My people are going to be living in poverty if I can’t figure this out!” Zuko fumed, his angry exhale steamed and the tea in front of him simmered. 

Aang fluttered over to him, taking a seat on the table cross-legged. He propped his chin up by his hands, elbows resting on his knees. “Maybe if you made a public promise that you’re doing your best on it, the riots will settle down.” 

Katara had to give Aang credit for his naive attempt; it might have worked if they were discussing health concerns of school lunches, but this was bordering a civil war. 

“And next I’ll tell them that we’ll all have a tea party in the palace!” Zuko’s voice rose, and he leaned towards Aang with palms flat on the table. He took a deep breath, glanced at his uncle, and sat back. “I won’t run my country on promises that I’m not sure I can keep.” His arms crossed and he looked out the window, so his profile left only the scarred side of his face visible to Katara.

As if hearing her thoughts, Zuko turned to her. “You understand… people, at least their emotions, better than I do. What do you think?”

She was startled to have her opinion asked for. “Me? Oh, well… I guess the riots are a symptom of a bigger problem. Maybe you need to improve relations with the Earth King, settle on some sort of compromise?”

Zuko blinked, “Wouldn’t that mean _not_ pulling out of the colonies right away? I need some sort of bargaining chip, after all.”

“You can’t do that!” Aang floated to his feet. He pointed childishly at Zuko. “The war is over, you’re supposed to disband the colonies.”

Zuko looked between Katara and Aang, eyebrows raised. Before she could ask him what that meant, Iroh spoke up. “Perhaps there is a middle ground. Bargaining with the Earth King might be a necessary solution, but perhaps we may offer him something in return rather than threaten to withhold their freedoms.”

Zuko nodded. “I’ll bring it up to my advisors once we return to the Fire Nation.” Katara felt a blush of embarrassment settling under her skin. Not only had she offered up a solution that didn’t work, it was one that actually offended Aang. 

“I love tea as much as the next guy, but do you guys have any meat around here?” Sokka piped up suddenly, apparently oblivious to the conversation. The outburst instantly cleared the tension as everyone laughed. Even Aang fluttered over to sit next to Katara’s space on the floor. It had been her turn to document the gathering, according to Sokka. 

“I like Momo’s fancy tail!” Aang said, pointing to her drawing. 

“Oh, that’s supposed to be Zuko’s ponytail…” She blushed again as laughter ensued. 

The day wound down with a beautiful sunset over the city, afterward which everyone settled in the bedrooms above the Jasmine Dragon. There were rooms available for esteemed guests. Katara wandered down to a balcony in the back of the shop. 

The moon was clear again tonight. It was half a circle, beaming down like a sideways smile. “Hello,” Katara whispered. “Moon Spirit Yue, I hope you don’t mind our little talks. If you even hear them, that is.”

Truthfully, Katara had felt a cathartic sense of calm after speaking to Yue that night at the South Pole. It was nice to air her frustrations out on someone without judgement, especially when her thoughts were as tangled and messy as hers. 

“It was really nice to have my voice heard today,” she began, but paused. The memory still made her feel uncomfortable. “I don’t think I gave the best advice, but it was nice that someone asked for it. I felt important… and it wasn’t about Aang, for once.”

She looked down at her hands, clasped together as she leaned on the railing. “I love Aang, I really do. Sometimes I wonder if it’s the right thing to do, though. He disagreed so strongly with what I said today, I can’t help but think I might not know what the right thing for him is anymore. What if I give him some bad advice one day? He’s so strong…” She let her voice trail off, leaving the worst unsaid. 

“Who are you talking to?” a rough voice from behind her said. 

Katara half-turned to see Zuko leaning against the doorframe. “How much did you hear?”

“Not much.”

She nodded, he joined her to her left. Her eyes landed on the moon, again. “I was talking to the Moon Spirit.”

“Sokka’s girlfriend?”

Katara couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. “You know about that?” She looked at him incredulously. 

“It came up once, a long time ago.” There was a pause. “Are you looking for guidance on something?”

She sighed. “No… well, maybe. I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if I’m looking for an answer or if I’m looking for a question. Does that make sense?” She turned to face him, moving so her right elbow propped her up. 

“You sound like my uncle,” Zuko said. 

“Really?”

“Almost.” There was a beat of silence, a half-smile on his face. She watched as he looked out over the city like she had been moments ago, casting glances at the moon. The skin of his scar looked delicate in the moonlight. “I think that your answers will come when you’re not afraid of the question anymore.”

“How can I be afraid of a question I haven’t even asked yet? And how can I be afraid of a question in the first place?”

He turned to look at her. She expected some sort of answer, full of experience and wisdom passed down from his uncle. He shrugged. _I dunno,_ his expression seemed to say.

She chuckled. He was only a few years older than her, how could she have expected anything else? “You do have a point, though…” she mused. “I’m sorry, by the way, for earlier.”

“What do you mean?” his eyebrows were raised in question.

“I gave some pretty iffy advice, I’m sure it’s not exactly what you were looking for.”

Now, Zuko chuckled. “I asked for your advice. There’s nothing to apologize for. It wasn’t the exact answer I needed, no, but it was a start. I think I have a better sense of the direction I want to go in, now.”

She was surprised. “Really? Oh, well, thanks,” she muttered. Why was she blushing? She gave advice all the time. Usually, the advice had more to do with laundry and cooking, but still. “I’m glad the Fire Lord finds me useful.”

“Don’t call me that, I’m sick of the title already,” he said, shaking his head. It dropped, and his face was obscured by the hair that she now realized was loose from its ponytail-bun that he had it carefully styled in earlier. He looked older, almost weary.

“Hey, don’t go acting all old and decrepit. You’re only seventeen,” Katara objected. “Your shoulders can droop like that for another forty years.” Was she being too harsh?

Zuko jumped into a straighter position. “Yes, Sifu Katara. But, since when have you been the one keeping in check? That’s my girlfriend’s job.”

“Where is Mai, anyway?”

He shrugged. “Hiding in the Palace, somewhere. She’s annoyed with all of the people constantly protesting. Doesn’t want to show her face, I guess.”

“It’s really that bad?” It sounded like it was harder than he was letting on, staying dignified as the ruler of the Fire Nation.

“Let’s stop talking about my royal duties.” He sighed, looking older again.

“Ok,” she agreed quietly. 

“How’s the South Pole?”

“Cold.” She thought about two weeks ago. “Lonely.”

Zuko nodded. “Do you talk to the moon often?”

“This was the only the second time, actually.”

“Oh.” He was quiet for a second, and Katara saw that he was gazing up at Yue. “Does she listen?” He didn’t look her way.

Katara turned her own eyes towards the moon, feeling its pull in her heart. “I’m sure of it.”

* * *

  
  


It was another two months before Katara found herself outside, staring at the moon again. It was round, and the sky was thankfully clear.

She had found herself writing to everyone more frequently. Toph was doing well, teaching her own little army of students about metalbending. Sokka was spending time with Suki on Kyoshi Island, since they had promised to split their time between there and the South Pole until they figured out where they would be living together. She was happy to celebrate their engagement. She had worked for two days to set a beautiful scene in an ice castle, and the light had hit the clear walls in just the way she had hoped, according to Suki’s relayed rendition of the events. 

Zuko wrote back the quickest. They had each sent three letters in the past two months - an accomplishment that she rewarded the tribe’s messenger hawk for with extra beetle worms. Aang wrote her one letter, and she still awaited the next one.

She stared at the white orb in the sky, feeling the buzz in her body that told her that her bending was stronger. She could feel her own blood coursing through her veins, and it almost made her dizzy.

Her heart felt heavy tonight, as if she was guilty of something. Of what, though? She hadn’t done anything bad, hadn’t betrayed anyone. Not even a prank. She didn’t have to talk to the moon spirit to know what was wrong with her, though.

Today’s letter was clutched in her hands, wrinkled from having been shoved in and out of her pocket, read and reread, clutched in her hands. She thought back to the morning, just after she received it.

She was making stewed sea prunes - _again_ \- for her father for lunch. Hakoda had returned from his travels in time to give Sokka and Suki his blessing on their engagement. Her dad walked in as she was making a bowl for him, and she could tell immediately something was happening. His eyes both followed her and avoided her gaze, his posture was tense. He had the air of a parent ready to have a Big Talk.

The silence as they dug into their meal only made it worse. “Is everything okay, dad?” Katara had finally asked him.

He swallowed, finally looking up at her. “I should be asking you that question, honey.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, is everything alright with you? I... “ His voice faltered, but it returned only a moment later. “Sokka is doing so well, engaged to Suki and all. I never had to worry about him - especially with you there to look after him, darling.”

Katara was waiting for him to get to his point. She thought she might see where it was going, and she was not ready for that conversation yet.

“I’m worried about you and the Avatar.”

“His name is Aang, dad.”

“Right. It’s just, I haven’t heard much about him from you, lately. I know you miss your friends - it’s understandably very lonely here…”

“Oh, dad,” she began, softening. “I’m not going to leave you any time soon-”

She stopped, he was shaking his head. “That’s not what I mean. I want you to live your life, whether that’s here or somewhere else.” She stared at him - had he seen the letter she had just received? “I just want you to be happy.”

“I _am_ happy here, dad.”

“Are you? Is the - Aang, is he making you happy? I know you feel like you have a duty to your tribe, but you shouldn’t feel like you have to stay here if you’d rather be-”

“Stop,” she said. Her throat was burning, beginning to feel tight. “Just - stop. I don’t want to hear it right now. You don’t know what it was like for me, before Aang got here. I was perfectly okay, dad. Happier after Aang, too.”

“And where is he now?”

Katara winced. He was seeing through her. 

“You’ve served your duty to the Avatar, honey. You can relax, now. You shouldn’t feel like you’re stuck with him any more than a normal guy-”

“Aang is not a normal guy. He needs me,” she said. Standing, she stared down at her dad. “I’m happy. I am. I’m…” She stopped in her words, suddenly caught up in how they felt like a chant. Like something she was repeating during meditation, trying to manifest it in reality. Was she happy? Her anger faltered, and she caught her father’s eyes again. His eyebrows were knit with concern, love. His expression reminded her of herself looking at a certain boy…

She shook her head and stormed outside. There were more important things to do right then. She didn’t have to think about Aang.

Now, sitting in the snow and staring at the letter clutched in her hands, she did think about Aang. She thought about her father. _You’ve served your duty to the Avatar_. 

This wasn’t fair, she thought. Tears began to well up in her eyes. She had felt so taken by what her father had said because he had hit close to home almost immediately. What kind of life was she living, writing letters to her own boyfriend, who was gone for indefinite lengths of time, keeping peace? 

Katara didn’t like to hold in her emotions. She thought that expressing them and communicating were important to a healthy relationship, but what had she been doing for the past two years? Any time she questioned the relationship, she should have talked to Aang about it. But she already knew what he would say; he would tell her he loved her. He would invite her to come with him, travel again. Except, she couldn’t tell him the real reason why she didn’t want to do that. He already felt enough weight on his shoulders for being the Avatar.

It wasn’t fair to Aang, still, that she was keeping her feelings to herself. “Yue,” she whispered, trying to push away tears that wanted to come. “I know I love him. Or, I know I did. It’s been so long…”

Her voice had trailed off. She took a deep breath, her mind suddenly clear. “I haven’t seen him in two months. I love what he’s done for the world… but it’s so hard to keep going. It’s been two years. The butterflies are gone. Gran-gran always said that relationships take work, that you commit to them again and again every day that you wake up.”

She looked down at her lap. As she spoke, she knew how she felt. Every day, she woke up with weaker feelings. Every day she had to look deeper, to think harder in order to remember how she felt. _Why_ she felt. Is there a ‘why’ for love?

And there was still the matter of distractions. She had distracted herself with the letters, writing them in her head for a few days before sitting down to write them. Zuko’s letter from the morning sat in her lap, tantalizing. She had dreamed, lately, of her life. She could see the possibilities; staying in the water tribe, having waterbending and airbending children… Waking up every day to take care of them, teaching the other children, grown up then, how to waterbend. Waiting for Aang to come home. Telling her kids stories about them.

Sometimes, she had dreams about other lives. At first, she thought she was having dreams of past lives: working in a tea shop, teaching older waterbending students her advanced techniques, she even saw herself making a difference as an advisor to a nation. One day, she woke up and realized that these weren’t past lives, they were potential futures. Which one did she want? Did she have to decide right now?

Her fingers, freed from their mittens, unfurled the letter. It was short and simple, which had startled her when it first arrived. Her heart had pumped furiously in her chest when she first opened it. It was a call to action that could be nothing but could also be everything.

_Dear Katara,_

_With every letter, you tell me you’re lonely._

_Come visit me._

_Zuko_

“Why does this letter scare me so much?” she asked, looking up at the moon. She realized then, Zuko wasn’t ordering her to visit him - she hardly thought so in the first place - but he was asking her to come see him. The question scared her.

“You’re too good at this,” she muttered, reading the letter again. The question wasn’t what scared her. What scared her was the answer… She knew it was _yes, yes, a million times yes._

She thought about how he asked her advice, how it wasn’t perfect but it didn’t matter. He didn’t try to pretend it was perfect, but he forced her to realize that she didn’t have to be perfect to do good things.

And then, she felt the guilt again. Her heart thudded fast, still, but it moved as if it were obstructed by honey. Why should she feel guilty about visiting a friend? She didn’t want anyone to think that she didn’t want to live in the water tribe any more, but then her father had to tell her that it was okay. That they didn’t need her. 

_‘Come visit me.’_

Maybe _he_ needed her.

* * *

  
  
  


Her visit to the Fire Nation was much more pleasant than Katara had expected. Zuko was eager to show her around the palace, and she was eager to sleep in her giant, fluffy bed after her long journey. And she was pleasantly surprised by her invitation to the meeting the following day, discussing intimate information about the Fire Nation. Fire Lord Zuko even silenced one of his advisors who had questioned her presence there.

Reassuringly, they had actually seemed to value her advice. She was invited to the follow-up meeting the next day, even.

The two weeks she spent in the Fire Nation were fun. She was able to talk to the locals, ask them about how they felt about their new Fire Lord. She talked sense into Zuko when he needed it - and talked him up when he needed that, too. And he didn’t run away from his problems.

They shared more laughs, talked about their respective struggles. Katara didn’t have enough to do in the South Pole. Zuko had almost too much to do. Katara extended her stay by another week.

“Tea?” he asked her after dinner the day before she was due to depart. They sat together outside, watching the flaming sunset. It had been a long day. Representatives from the Earth Kingdom had come to discuss compromises with the Fire Nation regarding their taxes on imports. The meeting had come to a standstill, and there were expected to be more the following day.

“Please,” she said. He poured her a steaming cup; the colder season was finally arriving, meaning that the Fire Nation Capital had finally cooled to a reasonable temperature outside. Her home, however, would be punishingly cold when she returned. She was determined to soak in all the warmth she could. “I do really like this spiced tea. I guess it’s the one thing that the fire nation does right around here.”

Zuko laughed, though his expression was darkened by the circles under his eyes. “You could say that again.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “It’s really hard, your job. I shouldn’t be making fun of it.”

“No, don’t stop. I’m sick of everyone tip-toeing around me. I’m not my father, or my sister. I won't banish you for misspeaking or saying something I don't want to hear. Or something funny.” He downed his cup in one gulp. She bent a stream of tea from the pot into his cup, and he smiled at her, raising his cup. “You can have as much of this tea as you like, to take home with you.”

Katara laughed. “That would be great, but you’d have to send about two tons worth of spark rocks for me to be able to brew as much as I like.”

“Done,” Zuko said with a smile. 

She sighed contentedly, looking over at the city below them as it was engulfed in the orange and red rays of sunset. The spiced tea burned pleasantly down her throat, making her as warm inside as she was out. “There’s a full moon tonight.”

“Does that mean I shouldn’t get on your bad side, then? Or are we chatting with the princess tonight?” His eyebrows raised, and Katara looked at him with her own smirk.

“Bloodbending is wrong, but you’re right to avoid annoying me today,” she paused. She didn’t feel heavy or useless, she didn’t feel sad or alone. She was content. “I don’t have much to say to the moon, not today.”

“And why is that?”

“I’m happy,” she slipped out before she could stop herself. The sun finally dipped below the horizon in that moment, leaving the two of them in the dark for only a moment before the lights of the city came on below her.

There was silence that followed, then. The contents of her cup seemed very interesting. “I don’t mean to take the credit for your happiness,” Zuko finally spoke up, “but I’d like to see you visit me again, some time.”

Katara rolled her eyes. “You just want my help in the war room.”

“Maybe,” he said, and both of them chuckled. “You’ve really made everything easier on me, in more ways than one. I can’t thank you enough, Katara.”

She looked at him. He had sat up to face her more directly, and she followed suit. “I loved every second, Zuko.”

Her mind wandered back to the days and nights - not just in the war room, but in the moments between. The breakfast in bed, once, delivered by a blushing Fire Lord because it was her birthday and Aang was away. The occasional sparring session, leaving both of them sweaty and out of breath. They had wandered the streets in disguises, once, and he had made her try fire flakes. She made it snow, once, just for them, in his room. He taught her how to play Pai Sho - though neither of them were good at it. She talked about her mom. He talked about his. They had both cried. She let him hug her. He let her touch his scar. His eyes had closed, and her thumb had accidentally brushed against his lips.

The memories bounced around in her head. “We had a good time together. It was nice…” She wanted to say ‘ _It was nice to have a friend_ ,’ but refrained for one reason or another.

Zuko didn’t speak. Instead, he stood up, his expression suddenly bearing a small smile. A moment later, she was smiling too, because someone in the Palace had remembered it was music night. A soft melody was drifting towards them through the open windows, and Zuko’s hand was extended out towards her.

She took it without thinking, and within the same second they were swaying to the music. She had one hand in his, one on her shoulder. His other hand was gently, respectfully, resting on her waist. “I like your hair like this,” he murmured. His eyes were low, avoiding hers. She eyed his hair.

“I liked your hair shorter,” she said flatly.

He chuckled. “I’ll cut it.”

She didn’t respond, but she was aware of her pulse quickening. Firebenders ran warm, too, she thought as his face leaned down next to hers. His breath was on her neck. She was certain he would be able to see the flush that ran down it, but then maybe his eyes were closed. Her head moved, and their temples were softly pressed together. Friends can be intimate, she thought.

As they swayed, the moon came into view over Zuko’s shoulder. It glimmered with knowledge at her. She swallowed. There was a tugging in her heart that told her that Yue was watching, not with judgement but with patience. She was waiting for Katara to speak. “Are you happy?” she breathed. _Are you?_

“Yes,” Zuko’s whispered answer came with no hesitation. “Until tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” she mumbled. I’m sorry, Yue, she thought. She was being extra vague today. Her gaze dropped away from the sky as she was steered away from it. She could feel her own blood, again in her veins. She found the feeling comforting nowadays. Under her fingertips, where they rested on Zuko’s shoulder, she could feel his pulse. Without effort, she felt his heart beat, and it was in sync with hers.

The moon came into view again, then. She decidedly repositioned herself so that both of her hands linked behind Zuko’s neck, and he moved his to her waist. She could see the flush creeping up his neck, his heart beating faster with hers. She swallowed, meeting his amber eyes. He looked back at her evenly, the picture of a perfect royal pokerface. 

Suddenly, Zuko leaned down and her heart hammered in her chest almost painfully. Then his face moved past hers so that his lips were next to his ear, and he spoke softly. “Sometimes, I talk to the moon now, too. I tell her about you.”

Katara’s breaths came unevenly, and she was suddenly fighting back tears. His breath was hot on her ear. He inhaled and it sent goosebumps up her spine, and when he pulled back to look at her she had to swallow the lump in her throat. “Aang is picking me up early tomorrow,” her voice came out as a hoarse whisper.

His eyes met hers and his eyebrows lifted into worry before falling back to evenness. “Of course. I shall send someone along to wake you for breakfast.”

She nodded, and they stepped away from each other. She noticed that there was no music. When had it stopped?

Not having noticed he had moved, Zuko paused in the doorway and spoke, “Good night, Katara.” Did he sound sad?

“Good night, Zuko.”

She looked up at the moon, the expressionless ball in the sky. “Is it true?” she asked, but she didn’t need to hear the answer. 

* * *

  
  
  


Aang had happily been spending over a month in the South Pole with Katara following her visit to the Fire Nation. She supposed that he had guessed her loneliness, if she was willing to visit the Fire Nation for company. It only made her feel worse about herself to see his smiling face every morning, to have his arm wrap around her, or his hand in hers as they strolled.

They visited Kyoshi Island, which was covered in snow like the first time they had visited. There were fewer fangirls of Aang’s there, this time, which meant they spent most of their time together. She slipped away one night, gazing at the stars and sitting behind the building where the Kyoshi warriors trained. 

The moon was a tiny sliver of itself, just a sliver in the sky. “Yue,” she whispered. “You know everything. What do I do?” A single tear streaked down her face.

“Looks kind of like a fingernail, doesn’t it?” her brother’s nonchalant voice spoke, coming from the doorway to her right. Katara tried to hide her sniffle, wiping away the single tear. “I talk to her too,” her brother’s voice was soft, gentle. “I miss her, but I don’t think that’s what you two ladies are talking about.”

Katara couldn’t help but laugh. She stayed quiet, though she shook her head. Sokka sat down next to her, though she couldn’t see him without turning her head.

“Dad talked to me, Katara. And, before you say anything, I don’t know if he’s right. I mean, he’s right to worry about you, but he’s not right to go putting ideas into your head. Not that it would really work, since you’re one of the most stubborn people I know…” His rambling voice trailed off. “You wanna know what I think? I think that Aang will love you in whatever way you need him to. Or want him to. Whatever.”

She could hear the meaningfulness in his voice. Her brother was really trying, and it made her feel warm inside, warmer than her new parka could. “How do you know?” she asked, her voice coming out quieter than she meant it to.

“I don’t, not really. But I know how it is with me and Suki - there’s just nothing else it could have been, with us. I look at her and I know where I’m supposed to be. She’s beautiful, and brave, and strong. Sometimes I think she’s too good for me.”

Katara started to protest, but he spoke over her.

“I’m just saying, you and Aang have a bond stronger than romantic love. I think… I think you two love each other, but you’re both young and it’s easy to confuse loving each other with being in love with each other.”

She laughed, then sniffed. “When did you become such a love guru, Sokka?”

“Become one? I was born one!” he said, voice light once again. His tone became more serious for a moment. “You don’t have to sit next to the Avatar for the rest of your life, if that’s not what you want. You’re allowed to be selfish about your feelings. B-breaking up isn’t a selfless decision, most of the time.” His voice stuttered on the last sentence, and she heard him take a rattling breath.

She turned quickly and pulled her brother down to her in a squeezing hug. He hugged her, and pat her back as tears began to fall.

When they broke apart, Sokka stood up but Katara remained on the ground. “Oh,” he added, “You should probably open those letters you’ve been avoiding. Aang told me about how you didn’t even want to see your mail, nowadays.”

She nodded, and Sokka walked away with a wave.

His silhouette disappeared down the hill as he walked towards Suki’s house, shared with some others of the Kyoshi Warriors. Their lantern was still lit.

With a shaky sigh, Katara pulled a wad of papers out of her deep pockets. Sokka was wrong. She had been opening the letters. Replying to them was another matter entirely.

_Dear Katara,_

_Thank you for visiting me. It was nice to see you. You really made a difference in the meetings, too. I think some of my advisors are sorry to see you go - even Lon-Chen!_

_How is life in the South Pole? Is the moon brighter down there? Are you enjoying the tea I sent along in my last package? I try to keep my promises. I considered sending along a whole firebender, but that felt overkill. I hope the spark rocks will last you long enough._

_I hope to see you again soon._

_Zuko_

The first letter was innocent. She had written a response to it - it was cold, she loved the tea, the spark rocks were perfect. She missed their time together. She was glad to hear Lon-Chen did warm up to her, after all. She hoped she could visit again soon.

But after she had written that letter, she remembered the night before she had left. Zuko’s warmth, so close to her. His breath on her ear. It made her feel guilty all over again. She stuffed her letter away and thought about burning it but didn’t. She wanted to write a new letter to him, but they all either felt like lies or betrayals. Then the next letter came.

_Katara,_

_Did I say something to upset you? You usually write back to me more quickly than this. I’m sorry if I offended you in some way. I miss you._

_Please write back soon._

_Zuko_

Then there was another one.

_Katara,_

_Your presence in the palace, as brief as it may have been, has still not been forgotten. Even the turtleducks seem to miss you. You and Aang are welcome to the palace whenever you’d like to come; I have a spacious room in mind that you two might enjoy sharing._

_If you’d like me to stop writing, I will do as you wish. For now, I assume you’ve been too busy to respond to me; as I understand, Aang has been spending time in the Southern Water Tribe and I suppose he has kept you too busy to write an old friend._

_You both are welcome to visit any time. Your advice is sorely missed. I will count the moons until I hear from you again._

_Zuko_

There had been more letters after this, but they all felt like distant accounts of Zuko’s life. The one that stands out had been one where he wrote about Mai.

_Katara,_

_Like the moon on the night that I am writing this letter to you, Mai is gone. As you know, we broke up some time ago. You might not know, however, that we have been off and on again for some time. The last time you visited me was the last time we split. Now, I believe she’s traveling to Ba Sing Se or somewhere equally as far away from me. I suppose this means that I’ve been left with no one in my country who is my friend and not my servant. I much prefer traveling in poverty with the Avatar, even chasing the Avatar, than living in wealth while running a country._

_This is my last letter to you. I suspect you’ve been ignoring them. I’ll see you at the gatherings hosted by my Uncle, and we may carry on as we had before your visit, if you’d like._

_Zuko_

Katara couldn’t find the heart to write back to any of these letters, though she carried them with her always. To acknowledge them meant she would acknowledge her own feelings, whether they were present for Zuko or absent for Aang. She looked to the moon.

* * *

  
  
  


The Jasmine Dragon was still as elegant as Katara remembered it, as she arrived there late into the evening. The moon was already out. When she crossed the threshold into the shop, she noted a piece of paper with beautiful script handwriting sitting on the table nearest the door.

_Lovely Katara,_

_Do an old man a favor, and lock up the shop before you proceed. I suspect my nephew is sitting around somewhere, if you need his assistance._

_Love,_

_Iroh_

Katara smiled at the old man’s note, which had a key attached. There was a line at the bottom of the note that said “P.S. - if this is a thief, I recommend you take some of the Jasmine tea, it’s my favorite!” which made her laugh.

She locked the door, as Iroh requested, and carried her bag to the back room and up the stairs, where she dropped it gently on the floor outside of the door to the balcony. It was a clear night, as luck would have it, and the moon sparkled fully in the sky. There was the silhouette of a person leaning against the railing. He was looking towards the sky. She could faintly see his scar in the low light.

Sneaking up on the Blue Spirit was bound to fail, but of course Zuko would let her pretend that she had managed it anyway. She stood to his left, noting how his jaw tensed. Stealing a glance up at Yue - _Am I ready for this?_ \- she made up her mind and reached a hand out to gently graze Zuko’s shoulder. She traced her fingers down his arm, which dropped, and took his hand.

Finally, he turned to her. His hair was shorter - still long, but it all fit into a simple bun, now. “You came,” he said quietly.

“Of course I did,” she said. She could feel the warmth of his hand in hers, the warmth of his body so close. She hesitated before speaking again. “I thought you might need me.”

To her surprise, he shook his head. “I don’t need you,” he said. Her stomach dropped, but his hand tightened on hers and he continued without missing a beat. “But I _want_ you.”

She nodded, looking away from his intense gaze. Her eyes landed on a teapot sitting on the small table behind him. He pulled his hand away and walked over to a seat, gesturing for her to sit. She smiled. Why was her heart beating so fast? Isn’t this what she wanted?

As they sat across from each other in comfortable chairs, the moon gazing down between them. “It’s your favorite,” Zuko said, avoiding her gaze. Looking intently, she saw that he was blushing.

Raising her hands, she bent a stream of tea out of the kettle and upwards, splitting it and letting the two arcs flow neatly into both of their cups. He smiled, “Thanks.”

They both grabbed their cups, then Zuko mumbled, “Oh, they’re cold.” In the same second, he put his cup down and reached over to cup hers, his hands brushing against her own. When he pulled away, her cup was steaming. A moment later, he picked his own up and it began to steam as well.

The familiar spiced tea comforted her. “I got your letters,” she finally said. Zuko continued to avoid her gaze. “I liked them… I’m - I’m sorry I never wrote back.”

Zuko nodded.

Katara sighed. “I haven’t spoken to Aang since…” she swallowed. “Is he-?”

Zuko shook his head.

Growing frustrated, she suddenly slammed her tea onto the table with a clatter. Zuko jumped to attention, eyes moving wildly between the cup and her. “Okay, listen up, _Fire Lord_ ,” she began. “I’ve spent the past two months trying to understand why I can’t get you out of my head, and now I think I might have an idea and I’m _trying_ here, okay? But for some reason I can’t do this as easily as I used to, I can’t open up because I’m _scared, and I just need you to say something okay?”_ The last few words came out as one long one, and she took a deep breath to steady herself, not dropping her gaze from Zuko.

“I thought-” his raspy voice began, then stopped, then began again. “I mean, I thought maybe you wanted- agh!” He stood too, then, and turned away from her. His hands both fussed with his hair and it fell, but he kept tugging at it until he spun around and looked at her again. This time, there was a familiar fire in his eyes. “I’m never the one to be vulnerable, so appreciate what I’m about to do,” he nearly growled.

He took a deep breath, then spoke again. “When you started to write me, back before you visited, I could tell you were sad. I was sad. I didn’t have anyone but Mei, and you know how that’s been with us.” He paused and swallowed audibly. “But then I thought maybe if you visited, then maybe we could be less sad because we’d have someone - a friend, you know. At least, I thought we could be sad together.”

“And then you had to go and impress all of my advisors. And you talked to me like we hadn’t been apart for months. And then I talked to you as if I wasn’t absolutely horrified by how you might treat me, knowing that my mother left me. And _then I had to catch you staring at that damn moon all the time_. And, I’m sorry, but I’ve fallen for you.” He took a shaky breath. His voice came out more steady, controlled. “I think I might be falling for you, and I hate that it’s so hard on you. I don’t have any right to go and make things more complicated for anyone, especially you and the Avatar.”

Katara stood in shocked silence. “Zuko, you haven’t made anything harder for me.”

“I haven’t?”

She shook her head, stepping around the table so that the moon was behind her as she placed a hand on his face, gently brushing the pink scar there. “Believe me, you’re the easiest thing in my life right now. I think I might have been making everything harder for myself than I had to, lately.”

And then she went for the kiss, and it was warm and comfortable. She could feel both of their hearts, in sync like the last time they had shared tea. His arms wrapped around her waist and they just fit. His hair was pleasantly soft, his lips even more so.

When they finally broke apart, they were breathless. She poked him in the chest. “Don’t you _ever_ say that you don’t need me, ever again.”

“You’re right,” he mumbled, and she was being pulled in for a hug. His voice came muffled by her hair. “I absolutely need you.”


End file.
